“I want to heal from a bad relationship and be open to loving someone new. It’s so hard to let in goodness.”
DG: Grief sure takes its own sweet time, huh? I offer you this: How about meditating on shifting the idea that your previous relationship was “bad” into simply that your previous relationship “was.” It sounds like it was a difficult and painful experience, but it’s over now. If you are having difficulty “letting in goodness,” how about letting it out for awhile?The most powerful shift from loneliness and misery, for me, is to find someone to help out. Somehow, through doing kind things for others when I feel most blue, I become available to witness ridiculous amounts of beauty and emotional bounty again.
Every day for the next 30 days, connect with someone in a deeply thoughtful way. Make a difficult apology, help pull weeds, take a pot of soup to someone with a cold. Maybe help an elderly neighbor change all her lightbulbs. Anonymously pay for the person behind you’s coffee. See what happens…
Token: Here is a pen wrapped in cozy wool to help you make a list of sweet ideas.
“My parents are Evangelical Fundamentalists. My mom is chronically depressed, and I think I’m co-dependent.”
DG: It sounds like you are in pain because your mother is and you feel you aren’t able to help her. You are definitely not alone in feeling that way! It is utterly human to want to assuage other’s difficult emotions, particularly those of people we love and may feel obligated to help such as parents. Have you considered finding support and tools in a group setting? There are many such groups in most communities.
I would like to offer you this: It is my opinion that when it comes to emotional well being, we are wholly responsible for ourselves and cannot be for others. They are responsible for their own. To nurture your own sense of well-being, for the next 90 days, take yourself on a daily 15 minute walk no matter the weather. While on these walks collect a stone. Contain your stones in a clear, glass jar next to where you sleep. Allow the growing weight and abundance of the stones to ground you and remind you that you are taking good care of yourself. At the end of 90 days, continue the walks but return the stones thus lightening the load of responsibilities that weren’t yours to begin with.
Token: Here is your first stone.